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This page is a transcribed copy of "For Whom the Belle Trolls." Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
(Open to a shot of a store, Ernie's Divorced Cakes, having been foreclosed. As the camera zooms out, a crowd of panicking citizens run from cakes being thrown at them by Ernie.)
Ernie: So nobody wants to buy one of Ernie's divorce cakes, eh? Well, they come in three divorce flavors: bitter... (throws a cake at a couple and their baby) ...contentious... (throws a cake at a couple's wedding) ...and amicable! (throws a cake at a man, causing him to fall down a manhole; Kevin arrives in the minivan as Ernie laughs evilly just in time for Hamster and Gretel's appearance)
Hamster: Step away from the badly conceived cakes, sir.
Ernie: Never! (Hamster and Gretel follow him to a giant cake on a catapult) Now, the whole city will have to experience a messy divorce... cake! (evil laugh)
(Gretel races towards Ernie as he cuts the rope holding the catapult with a knife. Gretel tackles Ernie, causing one of his cakes to fall to the ground. The catapult then launches the giant cake into space, where it briefly passes a satellite before falling back down to Earth. Cut to Gretel tying Ernie up in ribbon.)
Gretel: Hamster, the cake!
(Hamster and Gretel fly towards the cake. They raise their hands to catch it, but the cake just covers them in frosting and continues its descent. Gretel gasps as the cake gets closer to the city. Hamster and Gretel grab a giant plate resting on top of a building and use it to catch the cake. Upon impact, the cake splatters frosting towards the screen. This is used to transition to Ernie being taken into police custody. Kevin and Gretel fist-bump as two girls approach them.)
Girl 1: Hamster, Gretel.
Gretel: Autographs?
Girl 2: Ugh! We don't want your autographs, we just wanted to ask you guys a question.
Girl 1: Why do you guys hate toddlers so much?
Girl 2: And why are you guys such bullies? I used to like you; not anymore.
(The two girls storm off.)
Hamster: Weird.
Gretel: What are they talking about?
Kevin: Don't worry about it. They probably just mixed you up with someone else.
Gretel: I guess.
(Cut to the Eastside Elementary cafeteria. Bailey runs up to Gretel.)
Bailey: Gretel, Gretel, you're not gonna believe this! A social media influencer posted this video yesterday! She's making up all kind of bad stuff about Hamster and Gretel!
(Bailey plays the video)
Belle: Hey, guys. I'm Belle, which means "beautiful" in French. I'm exposing Hamster and Gretel for the frauds that they are. For example, yesterday, they crashed a three-year-old toddler's birthday party and stole all his presents. Like and subscribe! (her dog barks)
Gretel: She's lying! We―I mean, Hamster and Gretel would never do anything like that!
Bailey: I know, right?! I'm so mad, I could explode! (attempts to explode) Okay, it didn't work this time.
(Cut to Hamster and Gretel eating ice cream with Kevin)
Kevin: Why would anyone want to make up such a dumb lie? I mean, crashing a kid's party and stealing presents?
Gretel: It's because controversy gets views.
Kevin: Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone knows you're the good guys. Y-you're loved by the masses!
(They hear the sound of tires screeching. Cut to an old lady crossing the street with a bag of groceries. She trips on something on the ground, causing her to spill her groceries. Hamster and Gretel rush over to her to help her pick up her groceries, Hamster throwing the groceries to Gretel while she puts them in the old lady's bag, while Kevin stops traffic.)
Gretel: Here you go, ma'am.
Old Lady: Oh, thank you, sweetie.
(Unbeknownst to them, they are being filmed by Belle, disguised as a potted plant.)
(Cut to the Grant-Gomezes' TV on which Veronica Hill is reporting.)
Veronica Hill: This is Veronica Hill with a special report. Earlier today, superheroes Hamster and Gretel allegedly threw an old lady's groceries on the ground. Here's video.
(A video of Hamster and Gretel picking up the groceries is played in reverse.)
Kevin (off-camera): That video's been reversed!
"Hamster": I hate old ladies!
"Gretel": Me too! Let's take her food because we're horrible and evil!
(Cut to Kevin, Gretel, Bailey, and Fred watching the TV)
Bailey: And those aren't their voices!
(Belle appears on TV)
Belle: Like and subscribe!
Veronica Hill: That disturbing moment was captured by the social media star known as Belle, who recently went viral overnight by exposing Hamster and Gretel as frauds.
Gretel: I can't believe this!
Bailey: It's all lies, lies! I'm gonna explode! (attempts to explode again) I still can't.
Kevin: Luckily, it's so obviously fake that no one will ever believe any of it.
Bailey: We've got to do something! Let's go show this to the police! They'll make her stop.
Fred: I'll drive you there.
Bailey: Thanks!
Kevin: (pulls his phone out) Don't worry, Gretel. I have an idea.
(A lightbulb variant of the Batman-inspired transition sequence takes us to Hamster and Gretel being filmed by Kevin.)
Gretel: Fraud alert! A social media star named Belle is editing videos so it looks like we're doing ugly, awful things and that Hamster and I are hurting people. We are not! She's just being a troll for views.
Hamster: Word.
Gretel: Belle, I don't know what's making you do this mean stuff, but please stop. Everyone knows that we're the good guys. We just want to help people.
(Kevin's police scanner app goes off.)
Kevin: There's a bank robbery downtown. We gotta go.
Gretel: Aw, I wanted to do another take. That one felt kind of flat.
Kevin: You were perfect. I'm posting it right now. Come on!
(Kevin rushes out the door)
Hamster: How's my hair?
(Static. Cut to a crying Belle.)
Belle: Hey, guys. I'm sorry I'm crying, but this one was the worst. Watch.
(Static. Cut to the video Kevin filmed.)
Gretel: Hamster and I are―hurting people―for views. Belle―looks like―an―ugly―troll.
Belle: They're making fun of my looks, the most important thing in my life! (Cheerfully) Like and subscribe!
(The phone showing the video is put down, which transitions to Bailey and Fred at the police station.)
"Gretel": (in video) ...because we're horrible and evil!
Bailey: See? It's all lies!
Cop 1: This is sickening. Thanks for pointing this out to us, little girl. (into phone) Attention all officers! Hamster and Gretel have become criminals!
Bailey: No!
Cop 1: Drop your donuts and approach with extreme caution!
(The cops drop what they're doing and rush outside, allowing a detained criminal to snag their donut.)
Bailey: No, wait! You're not listening! No, it's all fake! They're helping the old ladies! See? It's all in reverse!
Fred: Come on, Bailey. Once they drop their donuts, nothing can be done.
Bailey: We've got to track down her IP address and find the videos! You're good at computers, right?
Fred: If by good at computers, you mean great at computers, then yes.
(Cut to Hamster and Gretel exiting the bank with the robber.)
Kevin: Good job, guys!
(The police arrive)
Gretel: Here you go, officer. One bank robber ready for arrest.
Cop 2: No, we're here for you! (to the robber) You can go.
Robber: Uh, did you want this back?
Cop 2: What do I look like, a bank? Scram!
(The robber clicks his heels and goes off on his merry way. The cops pull out their handcuffs.)
Gretel: Are you kidding?!
Kevin: Don't arrest them! I-I can explain!
Cop 2: Who the heck are you?
Kevin: I'm their... life coach?
Cop 2: Aiding and abetting? Hands on your head!
(Kevin follows the officer's orders.)
Gretel: Okay, okay, this is getting ridiculous! (grabs Kevin and flies away)
Kevin: Okay!
Cop 2: Fleeing the scene of a crime is, uh... another crime.
(Cut to Fred's bedroom; Fred is at her computer.)
Fred: Belle uses multiple routers to hide her location.
Bailey: This is just so crazy. Why is she doing this?! What's in it for her?!
(Song: Tearing You Down)
Belle: What's in it for me? You haven't figured it out?
I'm just chasing clout.
♪ I tried daily makeup tutorials ♪
♪ Livestream videos and fashion vlogs ♪
♪ Movie reviews, editorials ♪
♪ Every trick in the catalog ♪
♪ Still, my views never grew ♪
♪ And they never broke through ♪
♪ Until I said bad things about you ♪
♪ (Wah-wah) ♪
♪ Who cares if it's true? ♪
♪ Oh, boo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ My moral center may be askew ♪
♪ But tearing you down (tearing you down) ♪
♪ Drives up my mentions ♪
♪ (Tearing you down) ♪
♪ Gets me attention ♪
♪ Controversial is so commercial ♪
♪ It's not my fault; it's universal ♪
♪ I get the credit ♪
♪ I'm the one who said it ♪
♪ I get the credit ♪
♪ I'm the one who said it ♪
♪ (Wah-wah) ♪
♪ I get the credit ♪
♪ I'm the one who said it ♪
♪ I can make you look bad ♪
♪ With just a little edit ♪
♪ (Tearing you down) ♪
♪ Drives up my mentions ♪
♪ (Tearing you down) ♪
♪ Gets me attention ♪
♪ People want a villain that they can hate ♪
♪ So I give them your heads on a silver plate ♪
♪ Welcome to reputation assassination 101 ♪
(Cut to a cat stuck in a tree. Naturally, Hamster and Gretel rescue it, with Belle discreetly filming it from behind some bushes. Cut to Belle in another one of her videos.)
Belle: Hamster and Gretel grabbed this poor, innocent kitten off the ground and put it at the top of a tree to starve. Like and subscribe!
(Cut to a senior band bus driving down a street. Hamster and Gretel fight a green-suited villain, who uses laser vision to destroy a bridge. Hamster and Gretel rescue the bus from falling over the destroyed bridge. They set the bus down in the ravine below and chase after the villain.)
Belle: You are so not gonna believe this, guys! This busload of adorable senior citizens were enjoying the peace and quiet at the bottom of this ravine when Hamster and Gretel picked up their bus and threw it onto a busy highway! The drive has to drive in reverse just to avoid getting hit! Like and subscribe! (static) Okay, guys. I can't even with this one. (footage of a live-action building collapsing is shown, with a crudely-drawn Hamster and Gretel superimposed onto it to make it look as if they destroyed the building) Like and subscribe!
(Cut to the videos being watched from Kevin's laptop.)
Gretel: I can't believe this! She's ruining our lives!
Kevin: It's okay, Gretel. You guys are gonna go on that talk show today to clear your names.
Gretel: But Belle's gonna be there too!
Kevin: It doesn't matter. You've got the truth on your side. Just tell the truth and everything will work out.
(A concerned Hamster and Gretel variant of the Batman-inspired transition sequence takes us to Fred and Bailey, the former still searching for Belle's videos.)
Bailey: This could take days, even weeks to find!
Fred: Found it.
(Bailey squeals.)
Fred: Got her IP address and hacked into her system.
Bailey: Yay! Now, we can stop the smear campaign! Where does she live?
(Bailey jumps up and down in excitement.)
Fred: It doesn't work that way. We need to find the fake videos to prove that she re-edited the real footage. (gasps) Oh, no!
(Bailey stops jumping.)
Bailey: "Oh, no?" What oh, no?!
Fred: Belle's got super well-encrypted passwords for, like, every single file. This could take forever unless we have, like, a thousand people working together.
Bailey: That's awful! What are we gonna― (She realizes something.) Wait, I know what we can do! (runs up to Fred's computer) It's time to call in the cavalry. I'm president of the Hamster and Gretel fan club and none of those guys ever believe any of this malarkey!
Fred: Malarkey?
Bailey: Get over it!
(Cut to Whoa TV Studios, at which a talk show with Hamster, Gretel, Belle and Veronica Hill is being filmed.)
Veronica Hill: Hamster and Gretel, why do you hate Belle and why have you turned to a life of crime?
Gretel: No, we don't hate Belle and we're still exactly who we've always been.
Veronica Hill: So you've always been cyberbullies and criminals?
Gretel: No, we're the good guys! All we want to to is―
Belle: Throw this sweet old lady's groceries on the ground!
Gretel: No, no, we―
Belle: Are you saying her groceries were never on the ground?
Gretel: Well, yes, they were on the ground, but we didn't―
Belle: So you admit it! I suppose you're gonna say that there's no graffiti on that building.
Gretel: Well, there was graffiti, but it wasn't our graffiti.
Belle: Tagging public property to make fun of me?! How do you sleep at night?
(Belle's dog growls at Hamster.)
Hamster: Well, I-I don't; I'm nocturnal.
Gretel: Hamster and I would never do anything like this. These videos are ridiculous fakes!
Belle: Wait, are you saying it's not you in these videos?
Gretel: Well, of course it's us―
Belle: SO YOU ADMIT IT!
Gretel: No, it's us, but―
Belle: Give up the charade, Gretel. Everyone is onto you.
Gretel: No way! People know that we're heroes!
Belle: People like this, you mean?
(Video footage of various people is shown in succession.)
Woman 1: Hamster and Gretel are frauds!
(Static)
Man 1: Hamster and Gretel went from heroes to zeroes! (laughs)
(Static)
Woman 2: I used to think that they were cool, but now, I can't stand them!
(Static)
Man 2: Who do we hate?
Crowd: Hamster and Gretel!
Man 2: How much do we hate 'em?
Crowd: A lot!
(Static)
Woman 3: I'll never trust a rodent again!
(The videos begin spinning around Gretel's head.)
Man 1: I thought they were good, but they're bad!
Man 3: Hamster and Gretel went to a new low! They should turn themselves in!
Woman 4: Hamster and Gretel lied to me!
Old Woman: Hamster and Gretel have no respect for the law!
Gretel: No, but we do! We have so much respect for the law!
Belle: Oh yeah? Then I suppose this is not a video of you and Hamster resisting arrest?
(The video of Hamster and Gretel escaping from the police is shown.)
Gretel: No, but―it's not―it doesn't―
Man 2: Who do we hate?
Crowd: Hamster and Gretel!
Gretel: It's... it's...
Belle: You know, resisting arrest is a crime.
Gretel: (sighs) Yes, that's me and Hamster resisting arrest.
Belle: So it you want to do the right thing like you claim, the police are outside right now ready to take you to jail.
(Hamster and Gretel begin walking towards the exit.)
Veronica Hill: (to camera crew) Follow them out.
Kevin: Gretel, don't give up! I know that didn't go as planned, but you guys are heroes!
Gretel: (sighs) It's okay, Kevin. We did our best.
Hamster: Word.
(A shot of Kevin's defeated look is shown before cutting to outside the studio with the city's police force awaiting Hamster and Gretel's appearance. The saddened heroes, Kevin, and Belle follow them out. The police prepare to put Hamster and Gretel in handcuffs.)
Belle: (sniffs) I love the smell of justice in the evening.
Bailey: (off-screen, echoing) Mr. Policeman!
(The view changes to reveal Bailey being shown on a Times Square-like jumbotron.)
Bailey: (cont., on jumbotron) Put down those cuffs!
(Gretel gasps as Bailey approaches the WHOA TV studio with the Hamster and Gretel fan club.)
Bailey: Hamster and Gretel are INNOCENT!
Cop 2: Who are all these people?
Bailey: We are the true fans who NEVER stopped believing in Hamster and Gretel!
Fan Club: Who do we love? Hamster and Gretel! How much do we love 'em? A lot!
Gretel: (smiles) Aw, I love you, Bailey.
(The footage from the jumbotron is revealed to be courtesy of Fred, who is shown filming Bailey with her phone.)
Bailey: We hacked into Belle's account and found the original, unedited videos to prove she's been lying about everything! Look!
(As everyone looks up to the jumbotron from earlier, gasps are heard while the unedited footage of Belle's videos are shown there; first the video of Hamster and Gretel picking up the old lady's groceries, followed by the one of them saving the senior band's bus from falling off a bridge and chasing the villain. Belle's follower count decreases rapidly underneath.)
Woman 5: Wait, she just ran them backwards.
(The crowd begins booing, Veronica Hill gasps; now we see the unedited video of Gretel helping the cat down from the tree.)
Belle: They're lying. Don't—don't listen to them!
(The booing continues as the police ambush Belle.)
Belle: No, wait! You don't understand! I have an audience to please! I have fans! (looks up to jumbotron in panic)
Gretel: (lands in front of Bailey and the fanclub) It's over, Belle. You've lost all your followers.
(A zoomed-in view on the jumbotron reveals Belle is now down to only 9 followers.)
Belle: NO!!!
Gretel: Your hate and lies can't hurt anyone, anymore.
(Belle is surrounded by police officers as they are about to apprehend her.)
Belle: Wait, what—?
(Cuts to Action News report, as Belle is arrested.)
Veronica Hill: Well, there you have it. Social media influencer Belle is arrested―surprisingly on completely unrelated charges. Turns out she's an unlicensed cosmetologist. Back to you in studio.
(Cuts back to Gretel and Bailey with the fanclub, in front of the WHOA TV studio.)
Gretel: Thank you for believing in me.
Bailey: I'll always believe in you. (they hug) Superhero Gretel is hugging me! I'm so happy, I could explode!
Gretel: Please don't.
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