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This page is a transcribed copy of "Game Changer." Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
(Open to the logo of Thrashball appearing onscreen.)
Male Announcer: Thrashball!
(A robot holds up a red ball. Three similar-looking robots appear and throw balls at the first robot. Kevin appears on the right side of a split screen.)
Kevin: Enemy team, two o'clock! Fred, we're gonna get thrashballed!
(Fred appears on the left side.)
Fred: Relax, Kevin. Just worry about not getting hit.
Kevin: Aah, I'm hit!
(Anthony appears above Kevin.)
Anthony: Step aside, noob.
Kevin: Noob? Dude, I'm the one who got you hooked on this game!
Anthony: Not my fault I'm a natural.
(Hiromi appears below Fred)
Hirmoi: I'll heal you, Kev!
Kevin: Okay. Hiromi, you and I will do a pincer movement on their northern flank. Fred, you and An―
(A victory tune is played.)
Fred: While you were blabbing, we just annihilated their base.
(The four's avatars are shown, with Fred and Anthony's avatars performing a brief victory dance.)
Anthony: Brawn over brains, baby!
Kevin: Or maybe we were just guarding the spot where I got hit to make sure no one snuck around.
Hiromi: And no one did, so I guess you could say we were... what's the term?
Kevin: Magnifique.
Hiromi: Yes. Thank you, kind sir.
Kevin: No, thank you, madame.
(Hiromi giggles.)
Fred: Please stop complimenting each other like nineteenth-century chefs.
(ding!)
Kevin: "Want 2 play a new video game before anyone else???"
Fred: It's just another scam.
(ding!)
Kevin: "This is NOT another scam! We're looking for the best players to beta test our new game! And giving away a super mega top-secret PRIZE!
Fred: Top secret prize? All right, now I'm in.
(ding!)
Kevin: "This Saturday at the old cassette tape warehouse by the docks."
Hiromi: Count us in!
Anthony: Cool! ...what's a cassette tape?
(beat)
Kevin: I have no idea.
(Cut to that Saturday. Kevin is driving in the minivan with Fred, Hamster, Gretel, and Bailey with him.)
Bailey: This is so exciting! I wonder what the surprise is!
Kevin: Hiromi thinks it's a brand-new top-of-the-line gaming chair.
Gretel: Cool.
Kevin: Yeah, she is pretty cool... and pretty smart, and pretty pretty... (Hamster, Gretel, and Bailey laugh) What? Wh-what's so funny?
Gretel and Bailey: Hiromi, Hiromi, I love you like baloney! Whoo-hoo!
(Hamster makes kissing noises while pushing his paws against his cheeks. The three laugh again.)
Kevin: First of all, terrible rhyme. And second of all, I don't even know if she "likes" me likes me.
Fred: Well, how would you know? You've never asked her out.
Kevin: I've tried. We went to SmacksBurger yesterday, but her cousin came too.
Fred: When did you ask her?
Kevin: Yesterday. I said, "Hey, you hungry?" and she said, "No, but my cousin is," and we all went.
Fred: For something to be considered a date, you have to ask her out at least three days in advance for a weekend. And with no cousin.
(Cut to Eastside High just as the bell rings. Hiromi is rummaging through her locker. Romantic music begins playing as Kevin approaches her.)
Kevin: Hey, Hiromi. It's Wednesday; do you want to get dinner with me on... (counts to three on his fingers) Saturday?
(Hiromi closes her locker.)
Hiromi: A date? With you?
(The romantic music dies down as Hiromi suddenly bursts into uproarious laughter. She then pulls out a megaphone.)
Hiromi: Kevin just asked me out on a date! Let's mock him!
(Students and faculty join Hiromi in laughing at Kevin. Principal Funderberk collapses from laughing so hard, with a clown catching him. An astronaut floats above a trio of cheerleaders.)
Astronaut: Houston, we have a loser.
(The cheerleaders hold up three signs, spelling out the word "loser.")
Cheerleaders: L-O-S-E-R!
(Everyone continues laughing at Kevin, who hangs his head down in shame. Cut back to Kevin driving, revealing the whole thing was a fantasy.)
Kevin: Yeah, nope. I am not asking her out.
(Cut to the cassette warehouse, which has the word "arcade" plastered over it. Kevin parks the minivan, Bailey opens her door, Gretel places Hamster in his carrier, and Fred exits the minivan.)
Kevin: Okay, let's play some video games!
(Gretel and Bailey lead the way.)
Bailey: Look, Gretel! A claw machine!
(Gretel angrily stares at the claw machine. A brief montage of the claw failing to grab various toys is shown before quarters rain down, crossfading to Gretel pressing her face against the machine.)
Gretel: Well, well, well, we meet again. Kevin, change of plans. You guys head in. Bailey and I have a score to settle.
Kevin: Are you sure?
Gretel: (cracks knuckles) Oh, we're sure. How much allowance have we lost to the claw game, Bailey?
Bailey: You don't want to know. Plus, this one has controls for two players! We can finally beat one of these!
Fred: Heck hath no fury like a little girl scorned.
(Kevin and Fred head inside. Gretel kisses a quarter and puts it in the machine.)
(Cut to inside with Hiromi and Anthony having already arrived.)
Kevin: Hey, guys!
Anthony: Hi!
Hiromi: Hey!
Fred: Hey.
(A man, Wallace, pops out from a cart of cassette tapes.)
Wallace: Hey!
(Everyone screams.)
Wallace: Oh, don't be alarmed. (trips coming out of the cart) I am Wallace, video game designer extraordinaire. I invited you here to test our new game, Jellyfish Realtor. (pulls a TV set into frame) You play a jellyfish who's a realtor, trying to sell the most condominiums without stinging your clients!
Fred: I'm wasting a Saturday playing a bad game? How about not. Peace out!
(The group begins to walk towards the exit.)
Wallace: Whoever gives us the best idea to make the game better will receive the super mega top-secret prize!
(The group turns around.)
Fred: And I'm back in.
(Wallace appears behind the group.)
Wallace: (everyone screams again) Now, it's a two-player game, so we're gonna split you up. (pushes Fred and Anthony into another room) You two first, then you two after. (closes the door)
Kevin: Well, I guess it's just you and me. Just the two of us. (inhales) Completely alone. (chuckles nervously)
Hiromi: Okay, Kevin. We need to talk about the elephant in the room.
(Suspenseful music plays as the camera zooms in on Kevin)
Hiromi: There's something really weird about this whole setup.
Kevin: Oh, yes! Totally what I was thinking. Heh. Glad we're on the same page.
(Hiromi pulls her phone out.)
Hiromi: I'm gonna do a little research on this Wallace guy.
Kevin: Great! You do that, and I'm gonna look for a paper bag to... hyperventilate into.
(Cut back to outside. Gretel and Bailey are hard at work on their claw machine while Hamster rides a mechanical rooster.)
Hamster: This is surprisingly riveting.
Bailey: A little more to the left!
Gretel: Almost got it...
(Cut back to Kevin and Hiromi. Hiromi gasps.)
Hiromi: I did some quick digging and look! According to my research, this Wallace guy is connected to a shell company!
Kevin: A shell company?
Hiromi: Yes, they sell seashells, but that's just a front for a shady organization that I can't trace further.
Kevin: Oh well. What can you do?
Hiromi: We've got to get into that testing room!
Kevin: For sure, but, um... look, before we do, I was wondering... would you like to go out with me next weekend?
Hiromi: On a date? Aw, Kevin... I would never go out with you! Isn't that right, studio audience?
(Kevin and Hiromi are suddenly in front of an audience, who proceeds to laugh at Kevin's expense. The astronaut from the last fantasy laughs at Kevin as she floats past the audience. The main cast of Yuko Cheerleading Warrior Attack 7 joins them. The aliens' spacecraft suddenly appears.)
Male Alien: What a loser!
Female Alien: (laughs) This is why we didn't give you powers!
(Four spotlights shine on a humiliated Kevin. A concerned Hiromi walks towards him.)
Hiromi: Kevin?
(The fantasy ends.)
Hiromi: Kevin?
Kevin: Huh?
Hiromi: How do you feel about crawling in small spaces? (points to an air vent)
(Cut to the interior of the air vents.)
Kevin: (chuckles) This reminds me of kindergarten when I got lost in the air conditioning vents.
Hiromi: Oh, yeah! (laughs) I remember that. They had to call the fire department.
Kevin: At least I was the coolest kid in class. (both laugh) You know, because of the air conditioning?
Hiromi: Yeah, I got that.
Kevin: Oh, I think we're right on top of them.
(The camera zooms out to Fred and Anthony playing the game with VR headsets on. Wallace records the results.)
Fred: Just sold three condos with three tentacles behind my back.
Anthony: Whoo! Just sold a ranch-style house to a divorced eel!
(Wallace pauses the game. Fred and Anthony remove their VR headsets.)
Wallace: Ooh, I see you're having a lot of fun!
Fred: Not really. This game is pretty rudimentary.
Anthony: Maybe you should add a combative element, like some enemy sharks!
Fred: With chainsaws instead of fins.
Wallace: Ooh, good idea! This is very helpful. (resumes the game) On to the next level! (walks a short distance away) We found two perfect subjects to take back with us. Commence Operation: Indentured Servitude.
Hiromi: Indentured servitude?
Kevin: Gaming lingo, am I right?
Hiromi: No, Kevin, I think he's planning something nefarious.
(A button is pushed, causing Fred and Anthony's chairs to start moving backwards.)
Anthony: Wow, for how terrible these graphics are, I almost feel like I'm moving!
Kevin: Oh, no! We need to get help!
(Kevin begins to dial Gretel's number.)
Hiromi: Let's very quietly go back and―
(Kevin and Hiromi fall through the air vent and fall on the ground. They briefly stare at each other before Wallace approaches them.)
(Cut back to outside. A crowd is now surrounding Gretel and Bailey as they are about to secure a prize. Gretel's cellphone suddenly rings; she answers it.)
Gretel: Talk fast, Kevin. I almost have this tiny cargo container.
Kevin: (on phone) What do you want?
Wallace: (on phone) We're not gonna hurt you, just take you away from your family and loved ones forever!
(Zoom in on Gretel's shocked expression. Gretel gasps. Cut back to inside.)
Hiromi: We're not going anywhere with you, mister!
Wallace: Mister? (laughs) We are not a mister! We are...
(Wallace removes his costume, revealing some familiar faces.)
Tina: Tina!
Grobla: Grobla!
(Gerbil emerges from Wallace's robotic face.)
Male Voice: Gerbil!
(Song: Bolgylvanian Force)
♪ Two little secret agents ♪
♪ And a cyborg gerbil ♪
♪ They're the Bolgylvanian Force ♪
♪ As a color scheme ♪
♪ Their flag relies a lot on purple ♪
♪ They're the Bolgylvanian Force ♪
♪ They'll stop at nothing to bring glory ♪
♪ To their tiny nation ♪
♪ Bolgylvania ♪ (It's new!)
Hiromi: (confused) Okay... Bolgylvania?
Tina: Allow me to provide context. Months ago, I attempted to recruit game designer and his sweet daughter into Bolgylvanian game development program, but superheroes Hamster and Gretel brought my best friend back from space. I was so happy, I did not complete my mission. When I returned home, I was demoted, pelted with chives, and grounded, as is our custom. But then, Bolgylvanian engineers create new video game, Jellyfish Realtor. Problem is... video game testers... not so good. And so, I get new mission: opportunity to win back honor.
Grobla: By getting testers who can give us feedback and ideas for new games and bring them back to our great, tiny nation... permanently.
Kevin: S-so the secret grand prize is taking us to Bolgylvania against our will?
Tina: Yes, is fun! For us.
(Tina pushes a button on her arm, activating her robot legs, which grab Kevin and Hiromi. Hamster and Gretel then fly into the room.)
Gretel: Not so fast! Wait, you again?
Tina: American superhero Gretel? (Bailey enters the room) Bailey! (giggles) Sorry, would love to catch up, but I am taking people against their will.
(Gretel flies towards Tina, who drops Kevin and Hiromi into a cart of cassette tapes. Gretel dodges one of the legs, but is hit by another and flung offscreen. Hamster approaches Tina. Gerbil flies out of his carrier and fires misslies at Hamster, who dodges them, causing them to explode upon hitting the ground. Pan to Bailey and Grobla.)
Bailey: You know, I'm more of a scientist than a fighter.
Grobla: Eh, me too. Fighting's Tina's thing. (Tina and Gretel cause an explosion in the background.)
Bailey: Want to grab a smoothie?
Grobla: Um, yes!
(Bailey and Grobla hold hands and skip away. Kevin and Hiromi pop out of the cart of cassette tapes. A brief shot of Fred and Anthony getting closer to the truck is shown.)
Kevin: We've got to save Fred and Anthony!
(A crash is heard offscreen. Tina swings one of her robotic legs at Gretel. It misses and heads right for Kevin and Hiromi, who jump out of the way just in time. Hiromi looks up and sees another arm headed right for them.)
Hiromi: Roll!
(Kevin and Hiromi roll away from the leg just as it hits the ground. Tina chases Gretel as this happens. Yet another leg just misses Kevin and Hiromi.)
Kevin: Roll back!
(Kevin and Hiromi roll in the other direction. Another arm barely misses them.)
Hiromi: They're almost at the truck!
Kevin: Roll forward!
(Kevin and Hiromi roll towards Fred and Anthony. The two roll past the chairs and make a U-turn. The chairs' wheels get tangled in the cassette film, stopping them from rolling into the truck. A brief shot of Fred almost falling over the edge is shown, before she lands back in the warehouse.)
Kevin: Oh, so that's what a cassette tape is for.
(Gretel twirls Tina around, breaks her robot arms off and flings her outside. Tina and Gerbil land on the ground with Gretel landing in front of them. Tina looks at the claw machine.)
Tina: Wait, why crowd so excited?
Gretel: It's that funky claw game.
Tina: Claw game? Is not game, is decommissioned Bolgylvanian shipping arm we used to train dock workers.
Gretel: Well, it's a hit―a huge hit.
(Bailey and Grobla approach Gretel and Tina.)
Bailey: And they call it a smoothie because it's smooth.
Grobla: (giggles) English is so funny! In Bolgylvania, we call this fruit massacre. (beat) Because fruit was massacred to make this.
Bailey: Yeah, I got that.
Tina: Grobla, superhero Gretel and all these people love training machine! Could sell as arcade game!
Grobla: Brilliant! Honor is restored and no need to commit felonies!
Gretel: Uh, you're welcome. Next time you have a problem, maybe just call us? It would save us a lot of destruction.
(Cut to Kevin and Hiromi exiting the warehouse.)
Hiromi: That was wild! And scary.
Kevin: Yeah, sometimes, things are scary, but they turn out to be okay. Look, you know, I've been meaning to ask you something. Uh, what would you say if I were to ask what your plans are... (counts to three on his fingers)
Hiromi: Kevin, are you asking me out on a date?
Kevin: Well, i-if you're not―
Hiromi: Because... yes. I would love to go out on a date with you.
Kevin: (chuckles nervously) Awesome!
(Cut to Fred and Anthony still playing Jellyfish Realtor)
Anthony: Aw man! The manatee's condo fell out of escrow!
Fred: I really hate this game.
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