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This page is a transcribed copy of "The Break-Stuff Club." Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
(Open to Eastside High with an establishing shot of the marquee, which reads "Plumber Pride - Mural Inauguration. Cut to an assembly of students gathered around to watch the unveiling.)
Principal Funderberk: So, to recap, that smell in the library is temporary. And now, I'm pleased to present our new mural, painted by student Hiromi Tanaka. (applause) And we'd also like to thank Bob Cashwell, CEO of Cashwell Bank, who sponsored this work of art.
Cashwell: Cashwell―we invest in things that cost almost nothing!
(Song: Cashwell Cares)
Backup singers: ♪ Cashwell cares, when it doesn't cost a lot! ♪
Principal Funderberk: And without further ado, we present Plumber Pride!
(The tarp is dropped and the students gasp.)
Student 1: It's hideous!
Student 2: What happened?!
Student 3: Ew!
Kevin: Wow, it's really, um... different. Great job, Romi.
Hiromi: No, Kevin, somebody vandalized it. (shows him what the mural is supposed to look like, then pulls it down, revealing the vandalized mural) Who could have done this?
(Hiromi approaches the mural. The camera zooms in on Kevin's concerned expression.)
(Cut to Fred's bedroom)
Kevin: Maybe if we figure out what this symbol means, we can figure out who's behind it.
Gretel: Sort of looks like it could be an owl, or maybe a map of Dayton, Ohio.
Hamster: Ooh, guy in a tree! I like this game.
Kevin: Monkey on a unicycle!
Fred: (sighs) They're letters. B.S.C.
Kevin: Hmm, a clue. Is there any villains with the initials "BSC"?
Gretel: Well, there's Big Scary Cyborg, but Hamster punched him into the sun last week.
Hamster: He had it coming.
Fred: This looks like the work of mischievous teens.
Kevin: Of course! It's the Break-Stuff Club!
Gretel: The Break-Stuff Club?
Kevin: Ronnie Gutcherson, Joe Thompson, and Chad No Last Name. Together, they're the Break-Stuff Club, the worst pranksters in school. They glitter-bombed the football team, they released skunks during the fall pep rally, and they drove the homecoming float into the river. Turns out "floats" is a misnomer. That last stunt got them Saturday detention for the rest of the year.
Gretel: Whoa, they must be really bad kids!
Fred: And defacing the school mural fits their M.O., but how do we prove it?
Kevin: I'll infiltrate Saturday detention, win their trust, and then get them to confess.
Fred: Kevin, you're the goodiest goody two-shoes in the school. How are you gonna get Saturday detention?
Kevin: Don't worry. I've got it all worked out.
(Song: I Can Be Bad)
Kevin: ♪ I know I've got a reputation ♪
♪ Sadly, it's not tarnished at all ♪
♪ They're not even paying attention ♪
♪ But I really need detention ♪
♪ So, today I'm going to show them all ♪
♪ I can be bad ♪
♪ If I want to, baby ♪
♪ I can be awful and unlawful ♪
♪ Don't you try to save me ♪
♪ I can be bad ♪
♪ And you think you know me ♪
♪ But you shouldn't trust me any further ♪
♪ Than you can throw me ♪
♪ I can be bad (bad), oh (bad) ♪
♪ I can be bad (bad), oh ♪
♪ (I can be bad) ♪
♪ I can be bad (bad), oh (bad) ♪
♪ I can be ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad ♪
♪ I can be bad ♪
(Cut to the school cafeteria. Kevin approaches Fred's table)
Kevin: Aw, man. I just mouthed off to the lunch lady and she gave me an extra slice of cake! I don't want dessert, I want detention!
(Kevin's cake lands on the floor, causing another student to slip on it. Her lunch splatters all over the football team)
Football Player: Aw man, this is worse than the glitter!
(The football player throws food at Pamela Bryan, who then throws food at someone else. This immediately escalates into a food fight. Kevin takes refuge behind a cart. An apple is thrown at Fred, but she catches it without looking and eats it. Funderberk then storms into the cafeteria.)
Principal Funderberk: Who's responsible for this mess?
(Seeing that this is his chance, Kevin smiles and emerges from behind the cart.)
Kevin: I am, sir. It was all me!
Principal Funderberk: Kevin? I'm afraid I have no choice but to send you to Saturday detention!
Kevin: Finally! I mean, (clears throat) whatever. You'll never break a rebel like me.
(Cut to that Saturday. Fred places a small microphone on Kevin's chest.)
Fred: All right, you're wired for sound.
Kevin: Great. Once I get the Break-Stuff Club to admit to wrecking the mural, I'll say the code phrase.
Gretel: And then, me and Hamster fly in!
Kevin: (closes the trunk of the minivan) All right, in the meantime, you guys stay close. This could take all day, but we will get justice for Hiromi just like we promised.
Fred: I never promised that.
Kevin: See you soon! Go team! Bye! (runs inside)
Fred: Yet another Saturday wasted on undercover high school shenanigans.
Gretel: Hey, can you show us around? I'm curious to see what this place is really like.
Fred: You want me to give you a tour of high school?
(Gretel nods excitedly)
Fred: (sighs) Fine. Behold, the horrors yet to come.
(Cut to the detention room. Funderberk walks in behind Kevin)
Principal Funderberk: You all have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here. I'll be in my office, which has no window facing this room, but you are not to move from these seats! (exits the room)
Kevin: Salutations, delinquent peers! The name's K-dog, and I, like you, am a bad kid. (sits backwards in his chair) W-who's done bad things.
Ronnie: I'm Ronnie. This is Joe and Chad.
Joe: 'Sup?
Chad: Hey.
Kevin: Oh, the Break-Stuff Club. Big fan of your work. I pulled my own stunt in the cafe yesterday. That food fight? All K-dog, baby.
Ronnie: That was pretty... juvenile. Food fights are way played out, so 1985.
Kevin: Well, if you can think of a more epic prank that happened this week, do tell―DON'T SKIP OUT on the incriminating details.
Chad: We're actually cooking up something pretty major. You know that mural that got wrecked?
Kevin: Yeah.
Joe: Well, we're gonna fix it but good.
(Chad shows off his duffle bag full of spray paint.)
Ronnie: So, what do you say, K-dog? You down to cut detention and help us?
Kevin: Uh, sure, but how are we gonna get past Funderberk?
Ronnie: Just wait till noon, brosephine. (points to a clock)
(A clock variant of the Batman-inspired transition sequence takes us to Kevin talking to Hamster, Gretel, and Fred via wireless communicator)
Kevin: Guys, new plan. We're gonna catch them in the act. When I give the code phrase, get to the mural.
Gretel: Why do we need a code phrase?
Kevin: Just do what I say for once, please. (realizes the Break-Stuff Club is staring at him) Uh... sometimes, I talk to myself. (puts sunglasses on) That's how bad I am.
(The Break-Stuff Club just stare at him)
(Cut to Gretel following Fred into the computer lab.)
Fred: This is our school's computer lab. State-of-the art... two decades ago. Now, we mostly just use the computers to warm up cheese sandwiches. (removes a sandwich from one of the computers with a spatula and gives it to Hamster, who eats it)
Hamster: That's not bad.
Gretel: High school is so awesome!
(Cut back to detention. Everyone is quite bored, with Kevin having fallen asleep and Joe nearly passing out. The clock makes it to noon, marking the cue of a melodic horn)
Ronnie: Right on time.
(Cut to Funderberk sitting in his office)
Principal Funderberk: (sniffs, then gasps) Is that―?
(Song: Beef Buggy)
♪ Beeeeef Buggy ♪
♪ We got lots and lots of beef! ♪
Beef Buggy proprietor: And one salad!
(Funderberk rushes back into the detention room)
Principal Funderberk: I'm... stepping out. You kids stay here and continue not moving!
(As Funderberk leaves, the Break-Stuff Club begins to make their move)
(Cut to the art room)
Fred: And this is the art room. The students who create these heartfelt works will eventually be pressured by their parents to get real jobs.
Gretel: Ooh, what's this?
Fred: That's a pottery wheel. With some wet clay and that foot pedal, you can make a misshapen bowl for a loved one instead of buying them a real gift.
(Hamster gives the pottery wheel a try)
Hamster: Oohhhhhh!
(Cut to the Break-Stuff Club and Kevin exiting the school through the east wing entrance)
Ronnie: All right, here we are.
Chad: (shudders) This thing makes me sick!
Joe: Well, we won't have to look at it for long. Break-Stuff Club, it's time... to restore this mural!
Kevin: Wait, you're fixing it? I thought you guys were all about destructive chaos like when you glitter-bombed the football team, a-and the skunks at the pep rally, a-and the float.
Ronnie: Oh, all those stunts were to protest cuts to the art budget.
Joe: Art is life, man.
Kevin: But if you don't break stuff, why do you call yourselves the Break-Stuff Club?
Chad: 'Cause we plan our stuff on breaks. We don't want it to cut into our studying time.
Ronnie: After what happened to Hiromi's mural, we knew we had to make it right. She's so nice.
Joe: And she taught me how to read.
(Cut to a flashback of a young Hiromi and Joe)
Flashback Hiromi: Oh, here's the problem, Joe. (opens the book) You gotta open the book first.
Flashback Joe: I've been doing it all wrong!
(End flashback)
Kevin: But if you didn't tag the mural, who did?
Unknownzy: I did! (removes his camouflage disguise) I am Unknownzy, the anonymous street artist!
Ronnie: Unknownzy? I never heard of you.
Unknownzy: Then, it's working. Don't lay a finger on my exhibit!
Kevin: Your exhibit trashed our friend's work and we're not gonna stand by and let you get away with it!
(Unknownzy begins shooing paintballs from his wrists. The teens make a run for it. Kevin and Joe hide behind a table.)
Kevin: Paintball?
Joe: Oh, it's on.
(Unknownzy continues shooting paintballs. Kevin and Joe take the umbrella from the table and use it as a shield. Ronnie and Chad pop out from behind a trash can. Chad ducks back down and Ronnie uses the trash can lid as a shield. They then run towards the basement, reconverging with Kevin and Joe as they do so.)
Kevin: The egret has a red hat! I repeat, the egret has a red hat!
(Cut to Gretel making a bowl with the pottery wheel. She tosses it into the air and Hamster solidifies it with heat vision)
Gretel: And that should take care of Mother's Day through my 30s.
Kevin: (on communicator) Egret! Red hat! Mural!
Gretel: My guess is that's the signal? Let's go!
(Hamster and Gretel transform and race out of the room. Fred walks in with two grilled cheese sandwiches)
Fred: Okay. Guess it's just more computer grilled cheese sandwiches for me.
(Cut to outside)
Gretel: Kevin, where are you guys?
Unknownzy: Ooh, Hamster and Gretel!
Gretel: Oh, hold on. I'll ask this guy in a mask. (flies down towards him, dodging paintballs in the process) Excuse me, excuse me. Have you seen some teenagers. (dodges more paintballs) Excuse me, I'm trying to ask you something. Can you please stop shooting paintballs at us?
(Hamster and Gretel circle Unknownzy several times, causing him to fall over)
Kevin: What are you doing? Get 'em!
Gretel: He keeps almost getting paint on us! (She and Hamster dodge more paintballs) It's very annoying.
Hamster: We haven't exactly figured out how to clean these, you know. I mean, they don't really exist unless they're on our bodies.
Unknownzy: Fools! I could do this all day!
(Unknownzy shoots more paintballs. Kevin then looks at the mural plans.)
Kevin: I've got an idea!
(Hamster and Gretel fly past Unknownzy. The Break-Stuff Club and Kevin run back into the school. Kevin places the plans on a bulletin board and the teens get to work creating molds using cardboard and X-acto knives. Cut back to outside)
Kevin: Hey, Unknownzy! I bet you can't hit us with maybe blue, gold, and... cerulean? (Ronnie nods) Cerulean!T
Unknownzy: Oh, no? Eat paint!
(The teens and heroes run in different directions with their molds. Gretel blows a raspberry at Unknownzy, provoking him into shooting paint at her. Gretel positions her molds so that the paint goes through them. Kevin does the same when Unknownzy targets him, followed by Ronnie, Hamster, Gretel, and Chad, after which, the latter grabs two cans of spray paint and rockets past Unknownzy. Unknownzy then shoots four paintballs at Hamster, but he holds up a piece of cardboard and they ricochet off. Hamster and Gretel fold up more molds for Unknownzy to shoot paintballs at. Eventually, Unzknownzy runs out of energy and streaks of paint fly across the screen from top to bottom. The camera then zooms out on the now restored mural.)
Unknownzy: What?! No! You kids tricked me!
Kevin: Eh, you know what they say. You're about to get decked by the superhero behind you.
Unknownzy: I've never heard anyone say that.
(Gretel sheepishly waves. Unknownzy turns around.)
Gretel: UNKNOWNZY PUNCH!
(Gretel punches Unknownzy. Cut to the police having arrested Unknownzy)
Police Officer: Nice job, Hamster, Gretel, and, uh, random teenagers. Let's see who this Unknownzy guy really is! (removes Unknownzy's mask, revealing a skeleton head underneath; everyone gasps) All right, now I'll take off this second mask. (removes the skeleton mask, revealing him to be Bob Cashwell)
Kevin: Mr. Cashwell? You vandalized the mural?
Cashwell: Yes. B.S.C.―Bob Stanley Cashwell. As the investor in that mural, I would have collected millions in insurance.
Gretel: You insured a high school mural? We've heard a lot of bad guy plots, but that is by far the dumbest!
Cashwell: (as he is taken away by the police officer) Makes sense; we're not a good bank.
(Funderberk approaches the teens)
Principal Funderberk: Well, in recognition of your courage, I hereby pardon you all from Saturday detention!
(The teens cheer. Hiromi then enters.)
Hiromi: What's all the commotion? (sees the mural) Oh my gosh! You guys fixed my mural! (sheds a single tear)
Kevin: All thanks to the Break-Stuff Club, and me, and Hamster and Gretel.
Hiromi: Aw, that's great! Want to go grab a bite?
Kevin: Sure! The Beef Buggy's here.
Hiromi: Well, I do like their one salad.
(Song: Beef Buggy)
♪ Beeeeef Buggy ♪
(record needle scratch)
Hiromi: Hey, where's Fred?
Kevin: I don't know.
(Cut to Fred using the pottery wheel)
Fred: Whooaaaa! (the clay splatters all over her)
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